In trust disputes, mothers can have extraordinary influence. They can either fan the flames or calm them to embers. The problem is that many do not know just how much power they hold.

This becomes even more important in complex family setups. Evolution has wired us to protect our own, so when there are multiple mothers in a blended system, it takes conscious effort, grace and compassion to build bonds across the structure. It is possible, but it needs support.

What about maternal dynamics like protection, control or legacy planning?

At the heart of this is attachment. How does a child feel their mother is about them? Were they listened to, valued, respected? Or dismissed and overlooked?

In a previous article we discussed shame - and that dismissal breeds shame, which turns to anger. When money is involved, anger often expresses itself through financial punishment.

Sometimes, this dynamic plays out across a whole sibling group, with stepmothers or new partners adding another layer of complexity. This is where specialist support can be essential - not to fix what is already broken, but to see if the damage can be softened and future harm avoided.

Have you seen situations where a mother’s influence was underestimated, and it fuelled conflict?

There are many examples of women being underestimated. But there are also examples of women who are heard, trusted and empowered, and it is no coincidence that those situations tend to unfold more constructively.

Women can often be better at reaching out. They seek advice, take guidance, and bring in help early. But that help needs to be chosen carefully. A woman needs to know that the people around her genuinely have her best interests at heart.

How does favouritism or exclusion play out between mothers and children?

The classic pattern often begins in childhood. One child becomes hyper-compliant - the perfectionist, the high achiever - while another becomes the so-called black sheep.

For the compliant child, there is constant pressure to perform, and any mistake brings a sense of shame. For the black sheep, there is a sense of never quite measuring up, which in turn breeds its own shame and anger. That anger might show up as rebellion or poor behaviour, which pushes them further out. It becomes a cycle that repeats into adulthood.

Neither child wins in that dynamic, but the stakes get even higher when money enters the picture.

How can advisers constructively engage the mother’s influence without escalating things?

Bring her in early. That is the simplest, most powerful advice.

If a client walks into your office wanting to set up a trust, make it clear from the start that you work inclusively. That means understanding the whole family and making space for the mother’s voice from the beginning, not as an afterthought.

And what if the mother is already emotionally invested?

What should professionals do then? Spend time understanding her. Not agreeing, understanding. There is a significant difference between the two. Only when a person feels genuinely understood can they begin to loosen their position.

It is here that professionals can make a real difference, not just by drawing up structures but by helping the human beings inside those structures feel seen.