In high-net-worth families, some of the most emotionally charged disputes do not arise from what was said or done, but from what was imagined.
This is the concept of imaginationship: the complex psychological relationship a person builds in their mind, often shaped by hope, fear, memory, or unmet need. It is not a clinical diagnosis, but a powerful framework used in psychology to explain how people relate to those who are distant, idealised, or emotionally unavailable. And in the world of wealth and succession planning, imaginationship plays a quiet but profound role.
What is imaginationship?
Imaginationship is the internal narrative someone creates about their relationship with another person. It may be based partly on reality, but it is often fuelled by assumption, longing, or legacy.
A child may grow up believing they were always meant to inherit the family business, despite no formal commitment.
A widow may feel betrayed by a trust distribution plan that does not align with her imagined understanding of her late husband’s intentions.
A sibling may hold onto the belief that their parent favoured them, or owed them more, and interpret any contrary outcome as a personal betrayal.
These imagined relationships become emotionally real, and when reality diverges from the imagined bond, the psychological injury can be profound.
Why it matters in trust disputes
When trust disputes arise, they are rarely just about legal rights or entitlement. More often, they are about what people feel they were promised. That promise may have been verbal, symbolic, or entirely internal - but it was no less powerful for being unspoken.
In contentious trust situations, clients who are outwardly rational may be inwardly struggling with grief, confusion, or anger, acting inside this imagined relationship. They may be mourning the loss of a role, a legacy, or a connection they believed they had. And because imaginationships are personal and subjective, they cannot be easily reasoned away with documentation or legal logic.
What advisers and trustees can do
Understanding imaginationship helps explain why some clients resist compromise, ignore advice, or take disputes personally. It invites professionals to look beyond the presenting issue and consider the emotional narrative that may be driving it.
Key strategies include:
Listening for the story beneath the conflict. What did this person believe about their place in the family, the trust, or the legacy?
Avoiding unnecessary confrontation of the imagined bond. Compassion does not mean validating falsehoods, but it does mean acknowledging emotional truth.
Involving the right kind of support. In some cases, psychologists or family facilitators can help bridge the gap between expectation and reality.
Imaginationships are not weaknesses; they are part of the human condition. But when they go unacknowledged in wealth structures, they can become the spark that ignites full-blown conflict. By recognising their presence, advisers can better navigate the emotional terrain of succession and trust management, and help families reach more durable outcomes.
Imaginationship – The Invisible Driver Behind Trust Disputes
Kelly Martingale
12 October 2025
Quiet Clarity. Professional Insight. Human Connection.
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